Something to Talk About

My first real girlfriend was younger than me. Not in a perverted sense, as I was 15 and she was 14 and a freshman in my high-school and had long Auburn hair and large blue eyes and pouty lips and came into the school with a boyfriend and when they broke up everyone wanted to date her but no one was taking the risks. I ran into her in the hallways and we'd make eye contact and later on, while I ran to my Civics class 5 minutes late because I was goofing off in the hallways I ran into her. Literally. We tumbled by the senior lockers and she landed right on top of my body as I twisted so she wouldn't get hurt. She quickly got up, embarrassed, but she smiled at me. I introduced myself and she said 'i know' and she introduced herself and it felt only appropriate to say, 'i know'. And 'Emily' laughed and I helped her pick up her books and she touched my hand as we reached for the same Geometry book and she blushed and grabbed her stuff and walked away and I went to class. For weeks we exchanged glances and my friends started talking about talking to her but I knew she wouldn't go for any of them. To be safe, though, I mustered up my self-confidence and locked myself in my room one night. I pulled out a notebook and diagramed every possible conversation we could have. From the Hello in the beginning to the Goodbye at the end. I created a sort of conversation tree so that there would be no silent awkward moments and drew pictures of things to talk about and had multiple answers to anything she could possibly ask me and I put in an old Dinosaur Jr. CD and picked up the phone and started dialing her number. After the third ring her mom picked up and I had called while they were having dinner and I felt like an idiot for doing that but 'Emily' excused herself from dinner for me and took the phone in her bedroom and we began to talk. Mostly it was about nothing. Me asking her about how she liked the new school, how her freshman year was, how her classes were. Then we talked about her ex and she was over him and, even though it wasn't written down in my notepad, I asked her 'why?' and she said 'because I like you now.' And here came the awkward silence. I tried to anticipate this but I never anticipated her saying that. But its the awkward silences like these that define relationships, when the awkwardness is replaced by warmth and you bask in it like a silent sigh. I asked her to have lunch with me in the courtyard the next day, and that weekend we went to a Sweet 16 dance for a friend together. We danced all night and after the after party at 'Nathan's' house I drove her home and it started to rain and she got out of the car and I jumped out and followed her and we got soaked. She was laughing and stood on the stoop to her side door by the driveway and the overhand was only big enough to keep one person dry. She opened her door and we heard her mom still awake so she closed the door for a second and turned back to me. 'Aren't you going to ever kiss me' she said. I didn't know why I had been so reluctant to do so and she leaned over, the rain falling on her head too, now, and her pouty lips met mine and our tongues danced for five minutes and she pulled away and said, 'you're a good kisser. we should have done this earlier', and laughed and jumped through her door and even though she was inside now I was frozen in the rain and stood there, the headlights from my car blasting on me in the dark of night in the pouring rain, smiling.

Comments

[nikola1tesla]

That was so pretty. Thank you Rocker.

[Sass]

The first time. Isn't the first time just the best.
Thanks Rocker. Brought back that sweaty hand feeling very nicely.
How sweet.

[nikola1tesla]

BTW... I really really really loved this:

"I pulled out a notebook and diagramed every possible conversation we could have. From the Hello in the beginning to the Goodbye at the end. I created a sort of conversation tree so that there would be no silent awkward moments and drew pictures of things to talk about and had multiple answers to anything she could possibly ask me and I put in an old Dinosaur Jr. CD and picked up the phone and started dialing her number...."

You know I used to do that too! That is so insanely adorable that you're admitting it here, & it's completely familiar to me, but I've never known a guy to do that. It never worked on the people I really wanted-- I always choked up like that guy in "Swingers." When I resorted to practicing phone calls like that on other friends just for the experience-- jeez it worked like a charm. I always wonder what it is that makes it so I have trouble talking out loud to people I really like. What is it in the evolution of mankind that would make that behavior whatsoever sensible? Is the sex spark supposed to be just a series of meaningful glances? Is choking up vocally a way to keep most people from finding out how ridiculously incompatible they are underneath the surface?

Anyway... this post of yours was so worth waiting for. Thanks again.

[MR Hester]

Who here doesn't remember their first love?

[JCanuck]

Mmm, that "does he/she like me, oh my god, what I am going to say to him/her" teenage angst thing. While the wondering and worrying was not so fun at the time, who doesn't look back on that with a certain amount of nostalgia? And that elation that has you walking on top of the world when you realize that yes, they do like you too. Thanks for bringing that back to mind.

[nikola1tesla]

I had a thing for a guy who was into knock knock jokes. I always had a list of em written next to me by the phone in case I needed to insert something clever into the conversation. He had majored in philosophy in college, & was a big fan of good faith existentialism, but he was fresh out of college trying to make a living in law enforcement, a cop who thought he could make up his own rules as he went along. He'd get kind of confused and sad about the way of the world, so I tried to lighten things up where I could. He was such a giddy chatterbox if I could get him to laugh.

I wish I knew his number now...but that was years and years ago. I'm wondering what he's up to.

He loved the rain-- he'd leave his windows open & let the rain blow in through the curtains when we made love, listening to James Brown sing Prisoner of Love. It's raining here now, & I've got an endless supply of knock knock jokes courtesy of Google. But no one to make laugh but my sons.

I ought to get out & meet a new philosopher-- one who's not an existentialist depressed cop, but one who loves making love when it rains... one who knows a few good knock knock jokes. I'm diagramming my way toward what my own heart wants to hear, slowly but surely.

[JCanuck]

You're also kind of lucky that you didn't get arrested for underaged driving. ;)

[nikola1tesla]

Speaking of getting arrested....

Dude.. Where are you? You've been gone so long I hope you're not locked up somewhere, stuck without net access. This hiatus just ain't like you. Hit me up if you need some money on your books or a porn care package. I know a great criminal defense attorney, & if you keep your mouth shut, I'm sure she can think of something to beat the charges, whatever they are.

[JCanuck]

Maybe he's busy finishing off the PTI over at Rance's. Where are ya, Rocker? I think I'm turning into a nag, ouch.

[Lola]

Where has Rocker disappeared to?

[JCanuck]

nag nag nag...whine whine whine. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeere are you Rocker hon? ;)

[rancette]

boo hoo you haven't updated in awhile. I keep checking

[JCanuck]

Me too

[nikola1tesla]

Yeah-- I'm still pretending I'm ignoring you so you can have the peace to think & write without distraction... but I'm checking every day. :( Miss ya hon. I hope Erin hasn't taken on the scorned woman role & taken vengeance on you & your new script girl. Eeeek!

[Sass]

Yes, hon. We are all waiting with baited breath.
Seriously. We are. Waiting.
Erin as well, maybe. Please let us know what happened and how you are.

[come_back_please]

So, I notice that Rocker hasn't written forever and it occurs to me that just around the last time he wrote, someone posted a comment saying that she knew who he really was.

Is that why you've left us Rocker? Don't let that girl ruin this for the rest of us. Your blog was so good. Bring it back, okay?

[JCanuck]

That same person also posted on another blog the same day. The same sort of message. Anyways Rocker, if you are still around but in hiding or have started another blog, you can drop me a line from my blog, my address is there. I enjoyed reading you.

[JCanuck]

Well Rocker hon, I guess that you didn't feel like saying goodbye, wherever you are. Look me up if you ever come back.