Carry The Zero

A time ago, before I had done anything with my life and just wanted to get to the top of a hill in Hollywood and have a nice view and I lived in a small apartment I shared with two other good friends who I barely talk to anymore and I went out to college bars and Main Street just to drink my brains out and life was simpler I dated a girl who I told I 'loved' almost twenty times a day. She was beautiful, a Perfect 10 model with brains, which was hard to find, apparently, a college graduate, and generally very cool. She knew I wasn't going to go white collar anytime soon and when she'd be approached by big time investment bankers and more lucrative types of men she would shoot them down because she genuinely loved me more than she could explain. We used to dance to candlelight alone on New Years and picnic in any grassy area and write our names in hearts on the sand on the beach and enjoy the sunsets and smile a lot. When she moved away to become something bigger in a higher institution of education we kept in touch and saw each other often but then we grew up and my aimless ways weren't so romantic for her and my desires to travel the world seemed less and less likely as my fortune dwindled and my debt increased and instead of the 'i love you's I'd get get 'did you find a job yet' and I'd always say no because I didn't want to sit at an Excel spreadsheet eighty hours a week like my friends from college who I don't talk to anymore because they've wasted away and are living an American Dream. That dream was never mine and we drifted apart and I'd go to those grassy places and there was no wine and cheese and there was no candlelight at New Years and there were no hearts on the beach as the waters seemed to push up closer to my feet and eventually we stopped talking and then things started happening for me and now I AM on that hill and I can travel the world and I wonder what she's doing right now.